If you've never heard this expression, you might have been living under a rock since the early 2000s. Not only was it a classic catch-phrase of the famous childhood cartoon, 'Finding Nemo', it continued to make its way through pop culture in music and motivational imagery since the iconic film. Even the late famous rapper, and dare I say poet, Mac Miller, once tweeted, "Stop keeping score. Just keep swimming." after the release of his album 'Swimming'.
Different versions of this surprising piece of wisdom evolved over time to appeal to different, namely older, audiences. See, when you take away the references to water and fish, it contains a very obvious, but very important message. Ruminating on the past isn't good for your mental or physical health, but that can be easier said than done. When a person or situation causes upset and/or setbacks, how are you supposed to just move past that. Like a tweet I once saw said, "When you're going through hell, keep going, why would you want to stop in hell?"
One of the biggest reasons why I personally find myself stuck on tough experiences, is trying to figure out why it happened. Although it might help to know a reason, more often than not, an explanation is hard-pressed to come by and usually unsatisfactory to say the least. Because of this unfortunate compulsion to find a reason for the things that happen, I have learned an even important lesson... it doesn't matter.
When considering why things happen or why people do things, it's important to remember a couple of things. First, is that reality is a construct. Everything we see and experience is seen and experienced through the lense of each one of our unique psyche. This means that our realities are all different, and what we feel inside is more real than what we see outside of ourselves- all of our observations are biased and geared towards us and our interests. When we notice negative and positive traits in others, they are the same things we notice in ourselves.
So if someone or something proves itself to be a negative influence in our lives or on our emotions, we need to stop and think about why. What are you seeing more of in yourself as a result? In these situations, it's usually not the best idea to stick around and change the circumstances. Instead find someone or something that has characteristics that you like and admire; chances are, these are the things you want to foster more of in yourself!
I find that having a routine helps to keep me on track, but not just any routine, a routine of self-care. If I get thrown off track, or if someone upsets me, I can easily revert back to my self-care routine. This does several things.
Because I have already devoted a large amount of my time and effort into taking care of myself, my confidence is already on the up; not only that, practicing self-care routines become a natural comfort when negative emotions arise. If my needs aren't met by external sources, that's perfectly ok because I'm already meeting my own needs internally through exercise, healthy eating habits, meditation, yoga, and whatever else makes me feel good and function even better.
Moral of the story, there is no reason to need answers from anyone else, when you can provide them for yourself: no one is perfect, everyone is going through something, it's probably not personal, and either way the decision that is best for you is the only real sensible decision to make. Do what's best for you, and always remember that the best decision for you is often not the one that leads to unnecessary stress and drama. Worry about others' needs after yours are met first; how are you supposed to put someone else's oxygen mask on before you allow yourself to breathe beforehand.
Your journey is your own, have no regrets, and make it a wild ride.
Until next time,
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